Pull over

Police

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPER!
YOU ARE ON MY MANOR AND  I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU ARE  PLOD. ON THESE STREETS YOU PLAY BY MY RULES, NOW TAKE YA  SPEED GUN AND FUCK OFF BEFORE I SHOVE IT UP YOUR 'ARRIS!

As a pimply youngster I'd rehearsed that speech many times in private but now that parenthood, life and  a sense of  reality have eroded  my once impregnable arrogance I  found myself unable to recall a single word when the time came.

I was bimbling along in London yesterday on my way to a meeting that would bore the pants off a nun when the radio told me there was a massive log jam on the Embankment, so, to avoid  Ken's congestion charge and about 4 hours worth of diesel fumes I cut off around Regents park to avoid it all. There I was happy as Larry,  music blasting, sun shining  and only a few miles to go when I turned the corner at the Zoo. In the distance I saw a yellow jacket and slowed up a bit - just in case. Well bugger me.. they pulled me over.

"Do you know the speed limit here sir" asked the lady bobby.

"erm..40?.. 30?" smile and look daft.

30 sir.   and so it went on. Anyway the speech was no where to be found and I found myself to be MR un-threatening and responsible despite my best laid plans. 

"You were doing 38 miles an hour and I can charge you but on this occasion I will let you go. Please think about it sir. Take your foot of the gas."

At this point I was delirious. GOT OFF! BRILLIANT! Foot off the what?...  I was away with the fairies and hadn't heard a word so my first reaction was to hop like a scalded cat whilst still in my seat so I didn't press the pedal and lose my get out of jail free card.

"Not now sir. When you are driving!" said Mrs Plod with a grin. "You are free to go."

So I did.

I love the Met. Decent honest, hard working bastions of society who deserve a pay rise and a pat on the back. God bless the British Bobby, and I don't give a crap what any one says about them. Diamond Geezers everyone.  And,,, and,, , the way they danced on mary Poppins was just AWESOME DUDE (or were they chimney sweeps? Whatever)

Today I love the Old Bill.